The #AllYouNeedIsLoveProject: Fighting to Love

Happy Thursday! By now you should all know what Thursday means — it’s time for the…

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This week’s topic is a very serious and important one: “In any type of relationship, there are its ups and downs. In moments of conflict, what do you find most effective in dealing with an argument? What is a healthy way to fight about a disagreement and a not-so-healthy way? In your experience, what have you learned about addressing conflict in any of your relationships?”

Hubs and I don’t fight often; in that respect, we have a blessed marriage. When we do fight, it almost always inevitably comes down to money — he says I spend too much, I say he’s too stingy — but we occasionally argue about other things as well. We’ve been married for 7 1/2 years now, so we’ve had the same disagreements over and over again, and we actually have learned from our mistakes. I have a short temper, which my mom insists came from my dad’s side of the family (though my mother’s side is well-known for their fighting as well), and my fuse is fairly easy to light and to burn out. Hubs, meanwhile, has always tended toward bottling up anger, frustration, pain…whatever might be bothering him…until he can’t hold it in anymore and explodes.

I’m so happy we don’t fight that angry anymore.

So I figured the easiest way to talk about this is by making a list of do’s and don’ts….and here we go!

Do…
1. Before you decide whether to start an argument, take a deep breath and think: Is this really a fight worth picking?
2. Raise your issue in a calm tone of voice, and try not to show any tension.
3. Tell your partner that you need to take a break, and walk away from each other if the tension and vocal volume are getting high.
4. Come back to the argument with at least one idea for how to resolve the issue.
5. Thank each other for working out the issue, and always seal it with a hug or kiss (or handshake).

Don’t…
1. Cut off your partner in the middle of a sentence. It’ll only make them madder.
2. Just passively agree to whatever they say. That might only make them madder.
3. Roll your eyes, turn around and walk away from your partner. They’ll only get madder.
4. Drag out the fight by raising another issue mid-argument. (Any guesses why?!)
5. Tell your partner they’re wrong — present evidence and ask them to think from your perspective. (Or else…I think you’ve figured it out by now.)

So what means do you use to deal with arguments with your loved ones? What works, and what doesn’t? Share your ideas in the comments!

Click through to learn more about Carmen and the All You Need Is Love Project!

  • The biggest fights my husband and I get into are about ghosts and dreams. We are pretty lucky not to fight about serious things, but we have gotten into a few. What works for us is taking a break, never curse at or belittle each other (if you have to, do it in your head), and I really like your idea about not talking about it until you have at least one idea to resolve it. And for a don’t: Don’t respond with “I don’t know” DRIVES ME FREAKIN NUTS. That or he just sits there with a blank look on his face … time for a break. Thanks for the tip.

  • We don’t fight very often, but when we do, we don’t do it for a long time. My hubby is so easy and me, well, I get angry but I forget things two hours after. We try to solve things before going to bed, it always work 😉 and in the morning we always act like nothing happened.

  • That’s a great list of do’s and don’t’s to go by when dealing with a conflict. Being calm is the key. No yelling, just talking.