It’s Thursday again, which means it’s time for…
So this week Carmen asked, “Whenever you love, you run the risk of having your heart broken. How have you healed from a broken heart? How did you master the art of forgiveness and letting go of the pain? How did you learn to love again?”
You can read her response here.
As for me?
First of all, I’m lucky enough to have been married for a little over 7 years, and we’ve been a couple for nearly 13 years, so it’s been a long time since I experienced heartbreak. To compound the situation, this last run-in with heartbreak happened when I was 19; we all know that, despite being very young, we all thought we knew what love was really all about and that break-ups were literally the worst things in the world. Time and experience showed us that the destruction of what essentially amounted to puppy love was really just the tip of the pain-inflicting iceberg.
How very Debbie Downer of me…
Anyway, my last rendezvous with heartbreak was as a teenager, and I broke up with my boyfriend of a year to date someone else (and that someone else turned out to be the man I’m now married to, so I guess it was the right move on my part!). The boyfriend, who we’ll call J, had seemingly lost interest in me as our relationship trudged along; by the time I ended it, I felt like I was playing second fiddle to computer and role-playing games (specifically Dungeons and Dragons…get your minds out of the gutter!). I had begun to feel like I didn’t serve much purpose to J anymore, and I’d started developing a crush on The Man Who Would Become The Hubby, so I called it off. J had a much more difficult time dealing with it than I did, but I didn’t just break up with him one day and start dating someone else the next. In fact, there were several occasions in the days following the breakup that I regretted my decision. Did I really want to start all over again with someone new? What if this new relationship didn’t work out? Would he eventually move on? Those questions have obviously since found their answers (yes, I really wanted to start over with someone new; the new relationship obviously worked out; and yes, last I heard J is now married), but there are two questions that, once in a while, I still ask myself even now.
1. I wonder if J misses me.
2. Where would we be now if J and I had gotten back together? Would we still be together, or would the relationship have ended again, for good?
I don’t linger on these questions because I’m happy in my marriage and I know that Hubs is the right guy for me, but they do idly cross my mind on occasion. I hope that J is happy with his life now, too.
But when that heartbreak was still fresh, it seriously hurt. Why couldn’t he have paid more attention to me? Why didn’t we try harder to stick together? I asked myself those questions over and over again and failed to find acceptable answers, which led me to temporarily regret breaking both of our hearts. To compensate for the loss of a significant other, I spent as much time at work and with friends as I could…and Hubs eventually became my rebound (which I don’t recommend, by the way). I worried that I was creating a big mess not only for myself, but for him as well, but I just had a feeling that it wasn’t going to end badly and stuck to my guns.
I’m so happy I turned out to be right.
Hubs has shown me nothing but love and kindness for the last 13 years, and I look back now, fully confident that the teenage angst was completely worth it. I’m happy with who I am and where I am now, and I wouldn’t change it for anything. He made my heart whole again and filled it with all the good things every human being deserves, and I will love him forever for that!
I’ll always be sad that my happiness came at J’s expense, and I know it was wrong of me to do what I did. He has a permanent spot in my heart — no matter how our relationship ended, I will always love him. Hubs understands that, but he also knows that I do — and always will — love him more.
How did you overcome heartbreak and allow yourself to love again?