I know I shouldn’t be doing it, but I can’t seem to stop thinking about next week’s appointment with the RE (or reproductive endocrinologist, for anyone who might not know what that means). I tend to overthink and freak out about big appointments and events, especially the potentially life-changing ones like this one. I’m not worried so much about the grilling I’m sure to endure by the doctor; I’m not really worried about the testing she might need to do, either (or, if I’m being completely honest, I’m not really worried about that right now).
No, what worries me the most is all the lifestyle changes I’ll have to make if the PCOS diagnosis comes.
I’m reading about going gluten-free, or at least mostly gluten-free; about dropping dairy; about kissing refined sugars (which I know are horrible for me, but I love anyway) goodbye….for someone who has enjoyed these foods all her life, to suddenly stop eating all of them is going to be especially difficult. I also exercise when I can, but I need to try harder. I need to do more.
That’s where The Hubby comes in.
I was talking to him about all of this, and I expected him to say something like, “Okay, do whatever you have to do for yourself. I support you.” But that wasn’t what I got from him. In fact, I have to admit I nearly went into shock when my brain was done processing what came out of his mouth. I was so shocked that I can’t remember his exact words, so we’ll have to settle for the gist:
I fully support you. If it’s going to help you have another baby, we’ll do whatever we have to do. If you have to make these changes, we might as well all make them so you’re not doing one thing for yourself and something different for us, and so you won’t have to deal with the temptation of eating what Joshua and I do. We’ll all do this together.
Have I ever mentioned how much I love my hubby?
One thing I know I’ve mentioned, both here and in social media, is that my best friend Becca has been diagnosed with PCOS. I learned (or maybe forgot and rediscovered?) a few days ago that my younger sister has PCOS. Quite a few of my Facebook friends have PCOS. So, I know I’m not alone in this, if that’s what I hear next week. I have a lot of help, which makes me feel so much better; there are many people I can turn to with the million questions I’m bound to have if I get the diagnosis too. At this point, I’m hoping that’s what I hear, not only because it’s manageable but also simply because of the support system I’m finding that already exists if I need it.
But anyway, Becca and I were texting about The Hubby’s love for all things pasta and I mentioned how he loves baked ziti. I know I won’t be able to continue making it the way I’ve been — too much sugar, salt, fat, and calories — and Becca pointed me to Skinnytaste. I’d heard of the site but had never visited it or made any of the recipes featured on it. I bookmarked the site and went back to look at it later that night; I loved the wide variety of healthy meals that Gina offered and realized that I could easily make any necessary substitutions to her recipes to make them fit any dietary restrictions that are placed on me.
The trick, then, would be getting Joshua to eat all this stuff…but I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it.
Long story short, I’m trying — and kind of failing — to make all the changes I should be making to get myself back into shape for another baby. Part of it, I know, is laziness, but the other part is that apprehension of waiting for a diagnosis I’m unsure will actually come. A piece of my brain wants to enjoy this last week because next Wednesday, my life could very well change forever. At the same time, I don’t want to go crazy because not only do I know that’s not in my best interests but also because I don’t like how I feel when I do go crazy. So here we are. T minus 6 days to the appointment with the RE, and Hubs is going to come with me (which, frankly, is a relief).
I’m ready for a change. I want a change. I think Hubs and Joshua would benefit from some changes, too.
A change would do us good.